


Cut From Marble, Smoother than A Storm

by nuka_cherries



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Introversion, One Shot, One of My Favorites, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Re-upload, References to Depression, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuka_cherries/pseuds/nuka_cherries
Summary: Maria Hill was told that she was made from stone in the ways she presented herself to the world. How cold and calculating she was, a quiet storm that could unleash power at any possible moment. But to be honest, she couldn't make sure of which one she really was.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Cut From Marble, Smoother than A Storm

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in February 2015 on my old account and I am importing into this one. In this canon, Coulson is dead and stayed dead.
> 
> Title is from Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde.
> 
> Enjoy!

Phil Coulson handled this so much better.

He knew how to handle the Avengers. He knew how to handle Tony Stark, of all people. He knew how to handle a Norse god arriving on Earth. He was the king of knowing how to handle every situation, and if not, he would figure it out and know how to save people in the process of it.

After Phil's death, Nick Fury appointed all of Phil's duties to Maria. Duties being overlooking the new recruits, being sent to missions at a moment's notice, travelling and overlooking whatever Nick Fury told her to do so.

One of Phil's duties that he was going to carry out after Loki was taken care of was overlooking the Avengers. To be their liaison and in close contact.

He never got to fulfill that.

It pained to think of Coulson's excitement to be working closely with the captain. He would never get to experience it anymore.

Coulson called her a workaholic. And he was correct. Being an agent of SHIELD was a full-time job, never could be left unattended. Vacations never worked out, only on rare occasions did they even occur. She had enough of them saved up to take a year off, full pay also, but she rarely did. New aliens, new threats, new heroes. But she did what had to be done. Maria Hill was alone now, not having Coulson around anymore.

When she received the news of Coulson's death, it didn't leave her time to mourn. It was all too fast, too cruel. She had to move forward. Too much was at stake and she couldn't mourn, not now.

She put on her shell of stoic authority, directing her attention to the situation at hand. Coulson knew how to handle situations of all kinds. Maria did also. She put every ounce of her effort into it. She shouted commands, redirected civilian aircraft, made sure there was enough ammunition in case of another attack. She worked on keeping the computers up and searched for a back up system implemented.

She made sure all the injured were being tended to, and to all the dead to be in a safe place until the mission was over.

It was what Coulson would have done. He wouldn't have stopped to mourn, to be vulnerable. He would have gotten the job done, and saved people while at it.

She knew that being in SHIELD was already a risky thing. You could live or die in missions, and you never knew what was coming to you.

Being the only one left in the close circle, Director Fury appointed Maria had to take over.

Adjusting into Phil's position wasn't exactly hard as she thought it would be. The flying out part wasn't too bad. She already did that anyways. Hell, she lived most of her daily life in the air, being on the helicarrier. It got to the point she was immune to jet-lag. She had the SHIELD therapists ready in case the agents needed help after the battle. She handed human resources in debriefing, hiring, interviewing. She still did her job too. Interrogating, assisting, going out to missions that required her overlooking it.

It was more of the backlash she didn't like. She knew what the recruits said about her. How cold she was, how calculating she was of every move they made, how she never smiled. She knew of the complaints about her no approachable demeanor. There were even the few that went as far to say she wasn't human.

She knew a lot of things about the recruits. She knew how some were fresh out of high school, some were still in college. She knew of the intense training they went through before they were recruited into SHIELD. She knew that some of them cried at night due to the pressure, of losing a friend, of choosing a life of danger over safety. She knew that, like the rest of the world, no matter all the statements she made to the public, the recruits either feared or admired the Avengers.

She also knew that they missed Coulson.

Maria could sympathize with the last part. She missed Coulson too.

She moved forward, holding her head up high. She debriefed agents on missions and oversaw the recovery of Clint Barton. He was doing much better than she expected. She couldn't underestimate his mental strength, after all he had been through.

She missed him.

She was the representative of SHIELD at press conferences. She told the world that the Avengers were here to defend the earth rather than to harm them. That they were the friend, not the enemy.

Manhattan was being repaired, as was Stark Tower. The invasion had cost millions in damages, but the perimeter set up saved thousands of lives.

Maria didn't just have to fill in Coulson's duties. She had to arrange for his funeral too.

The memorial was on a Sunday afternoon. All of the Avengers were there and so were the remaining members of the Coulson family. Everyone dressed in black and remained silent during the service.

Many people gave eulogies at the service. Steve Rogers gave eulogy of having the honor to work with Coulson and how his sacrifice wasn't in vain. Clint made everyone crack up a little bit about how it was to have Coulson be his handler. Natasha's was short and to the point of how great of a person he was.

It was Tony's speech that made everyone choke up. On how life was a short, precious thing and there were bigger things that the world had never even dream of seeing before. And how Coulson was a hero, one of the greatest men he had ever met. How he didn't appreciate him enough.

Before Maria knew it, small cries escaped her throat and tears slid down her cheeks. She cried softly into her hands and did her best to not make noise. Letting herself mourn at the loss of a close friend. Of someone she considered family. An arm went around her shoulders and pulled her close, realizing that it was Clint's.

It was hitting her that Phil was really gone.

She let Clint drive her home after the service and got a long hug from him before he had to return to being watched over in the psychiatry department. One couldn't risk it when it came to Loki.

A few days after the funeral and restless sleep, she was called into Fury's office and was told one of the most unexpected things she couldn't think of hearing.

"Agent Hill, you should try taking a few days off."

"That's a funny joke, Fury," she said dryly.

Director Fury shook his head. "It isn't a joke, Hill. Its an order. This job, it isn't an easy thing to handle. And I appreciate you immensely for doing a damn good job at it. But take a few days off. Don't run on a broken leg."

The saying was something that she had heard before with former therapists. How mental health was as important as any other injuries, and that overworking herself would make it worse.

Maria nodded, "I'll take a week."

"Thank you. Dismissed."

It was how she found herself sleeping in until ten in the morning on the weekend and waking up to the silence in her apartment. Giving herself time to recover, to take it easy.

She was told that she was made from stone in the ways she presented herself to the world. How cold and calculating she was, a quiet storm that could unleash power at any possible moment. But despite all the rumors, she knew it wasn't true. She knew that the world saw a powerful agent full of authority rather than the grief stricken woman over the loss of an old friend.

Sometimes, she couldn't make sure of which one she really was.

All she knew was that the world had to move on. It could take weeks, months, years. Yet it still went on. The world was never going to be back to the normal she once knew, but if the city of Manhattan was slowly recovering itself over a disaster, so could she.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
